Janice Min Hearts Horace Mittingtons!

Excuse my inflated ego, but yours truly, Horace Mittingtons the Third, finally made it onto the cover of US! Yes, that much feared and equally lauded queen of trash Janice Min sniffs out a story like a drug dog on Lindsay Lohan's car. I'm as pleased as punch with it all, really, although I do feel the need to correct a few glaring errors. It is not my birthday, nor am I technically a girl, despite my neuter status I still prefer my birth gender, male. I say! Perhaps I should apply for a job as a fact-checker at US magazine, I'd get the place ship-shape in no time.

Officially in the Big League,
Horace Mittingtons the Third