Lohan Loves Hillbilly Heroin!

Well, it seems that Ms. Lohan's esteemed father has crawled out of his jail cell to make a statement to the press. Seems Lindsay is addicted to Alcohol and Oxycontin and needs serious help. At least according to the man who hasn't seen her in two years. I've been spending some serious time with Lindsay, although of course I can't say much, you know these pesky confidentiality laws. I can tell you, whatever she is on causes her to be extremely amorous towards yours truly, Mr. Mittingtons.

Covered in pink passion lipstick and in dire need of a good licking,
Dr. Mittingtons