Aniston! Hiss!

My word! Will Jennifer Aniston stop at nothing to get her mug on the rags? My sources inform me that she has been spreading word around the taco bars of Malibu that she and I are dating! Have you ever heard a more ridiculous yarn? Well, I have, from my Grandfather, the Late Horace Mittingtons the first, but he was cursed with feline dementia and so it was forgivable. Perhaps Ms. Aniston is suffering from the same fate? I'll know for sure if she soon starts walking in circles and missing the litter box. Lord almighty, I feel as sullied as a used tissue.

Reeling from rumours,
Horace Mittingtons the Third