Giraffrobats! You Have Me To Thank For Them...

Ah, those useless celebrities decided to take the weekend off from doing anything interesting. Come on people! Someone pull their panties down and forget to un-powder their nose! Alas, I still find it hard to tear myself away from the computer and relax, I am far more dedicated than most of these Hollywood types. So I thought I'd fill the requisite space with a tale from my colorful past.

I bet you didn't realize I used to be the giraffe trainer for the Ringling Bros. circus did you? I was solely responsible for the experimental giraffrobatics troupe. We had a glorious time touring the country, performing feats of marvel and mirth. Oh how the people swooned! I would have happily stayed on forever were it not for an unfortunate incident involving an escaped Siberian Tiger with a chip on his shoulder and my entire troupe! Limbs torn asunder! I say! I relive the day in my nightmares to this day...

Call me Ringmaster Mittingtons.