Guarding Mess!

Lindsay Lohan's ex-bodyguard is writing a tell-all about the pop tart that will supposedly reveal all of the dirty things we already know and read about on a daily basis. I say! I think it is pretty darn impressive that a man with the stature of a bodyguard may also have the mind of a literary genius. Either that or their is a rather lucrative ghost writing job on the market. Perhaps I shall apply! I would be sure to spice the whole thing up with some tawdry Victorian-style erotica. It has been far too long since anyone has used the word quim in a biography.

Ready For Next Summers Must-Read,
Mr. Mittingtons