Mittingtons Serves As Inspiration To Crazy White Ladies!

Few people realize back when socialite Jocelyn Wildenstein could still make public appearances without causing children to scream and the elderly to drop dead in fright that she and I were the best of friends. Everything was Tip-Top and Hunky Dory, until one day at Bloomingdales when a saleswoman referred to her as my mother. I say! All hell broke loose. She was determined to show me up, even if it meant stealing my face, piece by piece, for her own. She has been almost successful don't you think? The only thing left to do is have her probiscus smashed in with a sledge hammer. If she ever gets shit-bagged wasted on daquiris at the Pink Taco again like she did last night, I'll volunteer for the job!

Release me from these bionic arms,
Horace