Mittingtons Traverses Time and Space!!!

Many of my old chums are constantly asking how I manage to be in both New York and Los Angeles simultaneously. The answer is a quite simple matter of quantum physics. You see, a few years back, while shopping at a jumble sale in Baraboo, Wisconsin, I came across a life-sized replica of a London Police Box. The retailer, a surly broad with mother of pearl lipstick and nineteen chins, informed me that she would not accept any less than $5.00 for the thing. I say! People have lost that rubbish-ridding spirit of yesteryear. I stuck to my guns at $2.00 and waited around until dusk. When the thing still hadn't sold the woman furled her furry lips and spat out her chaw with disgust. "Take it! Just take it, you filthy thing!"

I must assume that that her hip width had prohibited her from ever stepping inside of the thing. Once I got it home I opened the door to reveal a large, space-ship-like room. This was no Police Box! It was a genuine Tardis!!! Now I use it to traverse the globe in mere nano-seconds. No wonder I am in such demand!!!

Horace hears a Dr. Who